


our lives have grown roots around each other.

by junfhongs



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Felileth Week, Implied Sexual Content, Opposing Sides, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parallel Universes, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Time Skip, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: what was the difference between a dream, a fantasy, and a whole other realm of reality?one day, Byleth woke up in a body that was hers but a world that wasn't: a life that she could barely recognize, but a life that she never knew she wanted. did destiny cross over to different realities, or was she the force that had to bring their fates together?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 22
Kudos: 88





	1. Blue Sea Moon 1196

Byleth didn't know how to rest, didn't often have dreams. Growing up as a mercenary's daughter, she was used to traveling, used to uncomfortable tents and the responsibility to get up and take watch every few hours. She didn't even know what home was supposed to feel like, didn't know where to find that comfort, didn't know if it was really a place, if it could be a person, if it could be any warm feeling or the thrill of a fight or something in between.

But today, the soft bed beneath her and the warm arm draped around her bare waist seemed to pull her deeper into her slumber, pushing away every bit of wakefulness that threatened to erase this dream.

And yet… _and yet—_

"What…?" Byleth woke up with a jolt, eyes widening at the unfamiliar scenery. This wasn't her room in the dormitories of Garreg Mach monastery. It wasn't even the tiny house or the various tents she spent most of her youth in. This was… a proper bedroom, with books and knickknacks and a rack of weapons displayed proudly at the side. This felt like _home—_ except it wasn't, _it couldn't be,_ not for someone like Byleth.

And then there was the issue of the warm body sleeping beside her: face planted into a pillow, dark hair splayed out all over, a muscular back rippling with each breath and each miniscule movement. Her eyes traced the numerous scars all over his body— _a fighter._ Perhaps a mercenary, like her?

But Byleth wasn't a mercenary anymore, at least not for now. She was a professor; she wasn't supposed to be here— wherever the hell this was.

The man beside her sensed the panic underneath his fingertips, and he tightened his hold around her waist. _"By,"_ he mumbled, familiarity dripping from his groggy voice, "go back to sleep."

She couldn't move, not when she could _swear_ that she recognized that voice from somewhere. He started tracing circles on her skin with his thumb, making her body melt further into the mattress.

He groaned. "Ugh. Fine." And as he raised his head to look at her, the last person Byleth expected to see naked in bed beside her was _Felix._

He was older, for some reason. This wasn't the same boy in her classroom yesterday, barely paying attention to her lecture on tactics and only tuning in when she discussed offensive maneuvers. This surely wasn't him, but those amber eyes just seemed too familiar to be anyone else's.

"Where… am I?" Byleth's voice cracked as she spoke. "Why am I here?"

To her surprise, Felix— _was it_ really _him though_ —just laughed her off. He moved closer and pressed a kiss against her shoulder. There was danger in that little gesture, danger in the way his eyes darkened as he glanced at her lips. "You are so, _so_ weird, all the time." His hand now moved to cup her cheek. "Goddess, I love you."

And in that instant, Byleth's mind stopped processing anything happening in this strange, _very wonderful_ dream. She expected aggression from Felix, she expected passion and heat or the sting of cold detachment, but what she didn't expect was the _tenderness_ of his touch. His hands, worn and calloused from years of handling a sword, held her face with a reverence that Byleth couldn't have expected.

His kiss consumed her, head to toe. All she could do was slide her hands up around his shoulders to pull him in, earning a smile and a quick nip to her jaw before he connected their lips yet again.

And before Byleth could grow comfortable like this, suddenly, his hands started wandering, exploring slivers of her exposed skin. Byleth gasped when his nails dug into her thighs, just the way she liked it.

This Felix _knew_ her. He knew her body, knew her wants, knew her reactions, and knew how to evoke each one. Meanwhile, Byleth could only throw her head back as Felix's kisses trailed down her body, down, down, down below. Each of her gasps was met with a smile pressed against her skin. As helpless as she felt, she knew one word that could keep Felix in the palm of her hand: _"More."_

———

The rest of the morning was a blur— a delicious one, honestly. _'What… just happened?'_ she thought to herself as she washed her body and wiped off the evidence of their earlier activities. Fantasies usually ended after climax, didn't they? What was she still doing here, getting dressed and walking out into the kitchen to have breakfast with a man she hardly recognized just a few hours ago?

It was a quaint house, with the bedroom leading right into the entrance hallway and across a living room with a fireplace. Felix was in the kitchen to the right, illuminated by the sunlight streaming in from the kitchen windows and the door to a backyard space. There were knickknacks and more weapon racks scattered around the living space— _their_ living space. This was a house that was lived in, and yet Byleth couldn't remember living in it.

Byleth leaned on the counter and watched Felix as he finished frying the eggs. "Hey, Felix?" she called out, still hesitant to let his name slip just in case she was wrong.

He tied his hair up and leaned forward to stare up into her eyes. "Yes, Byleth?" he said, voice still gruff from disuse. Byleth held his face in both of her hands and observed all the little details, the freckles and scars that weren't there just _yesterday,_ when she last saw him. He looked at least five—no, _ten_ —years older than he did a day ago.

But he responded to his name so… this _was_ Felix, right? That wasn't the question anymore; now it was why she was here, in some distant future, fantasizing about a student she just met.

"Byleth," said Felix, "you're being weird again."

She let go of his face, ears turning a soft pink. "Sorry," she whispered, but Felix's expression seemed more amused than concerned.

"You're lucky I'm used to you being like this." He placed his hand on her head and ruffled her hair, soft and affectionate, as if today were just another day with _typical Byleth._

Perhaps… it was. Maybe all Byleth could do now was just go with it, whatever she was supposed to do or supposed to be in this world.

Byleth was doing the dishes when Felix came up behind her and leaned against her back. She groaned and splattered water on him, enough to get him to pull away with his soft laughter ringing in her ears.

"Hey, careful. We got a letter from the village downstream." Felix scanned through the letter as Byleth dried her hands. "Bandits set up camp across their bridge. You know the rest."

Byleth hummed, a little pleased at the thought of doing some mercenary work for once. Being a professor—even if it had only been barely two months and she _was_ training a bunch of teens to be war machines—made her feel like she was going soft. "A fight would be nice."

Felix chuckled and shook his head, setting the letter aside. "A _challenge_ would be nice. Then again, we haven't done much fighting in a while. I'm sick of _carpentry_." He spat out the last word, drawing out a small smile from Byleth. Felix stretched his arms over his head and bent back until they heard a little crack, and now Byleth couldn't help but chuckle.

"You look like you could use the exercise." With that, Byleth dropped her gauntlet.

To no one's surprise, Felix still eagerly picked it up, just like he would as the student Byleth was teaching just yesterday. "We'll see about that," he said, a hard edge in his voice and an eager glint in his eyes. "Let's go while there's still light out and pick up dinner on the way back."

"Sounds good," mumbled Byleth. Felix hugged her waist and kissed her cheek before he left to bathe, and Byleth stood in the kitchen for a few minutes more, eyes wide and face pink. She… was going to have to get used to that, huh?

———

In the midst of everything unfamiliar and strange going on around her, one thing brought Byleth some comfort: putting on her armor.

It was a little more conservative than what she was used to, a little warmer for the cold Faerghus weather. Still, she knew it was something so distinctly _hers._ In the midst of everything, she was glad there was something still vaguely familiar in her surroundings.

But every time she glanced at herself in the mirror, she jerked in surprise. Byleth ran her fingers through the green hair framing her face, wondering why she only noticed it now. It was an odd shade of green, similar to Rhea's but duller. There was a story hidden behind it, but Byleth didn't know if she just forgot or if those memories hadn't even happened to her yet.

It… didn't matter. It was just hair. It meant nothing in this odd mishmash of references to her past and present that made no discernable sense.

Something on Felix's desk caught her eye. A calendar, with their various jobs noted down on a schedule. When she saw the date at the corner, her eyes widened yet again.

_Blue Sea Moon… 1196? Sixteen years later?_

All the details were starting to come together, starting to overwhelm her. Following an odd impulse, she opened her jewelry box and went through its contents, hands shaking as she lifted a bracelet with the Golden Deer insignia on it.

"Hey, you ready to go?" said Felix, strapping his swords to his belt. Byleth couldn't find the strength to turn and face him.

"Felix, this—" She lifted the bracelet and waited for him to recognize it.

"Oh, I didn't know you kept that, all these years. Wasn't that Claude's gift, when you were our professor?" Felix's brows furrowed. "Well, _his_ professor. I hadn't joined your house yet, I think." He walked towards her and hugged her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Best decision of my life," he whispered into his ear.

Byleth managed to chuckle at his unexpected sweetness, but her mind kept going back to the birthday she had just a week ago. Just a week ago, Dimitri approached her with a shy smile and a box with letter on top. She remembered seeing Annette and Ashe peering from the side of gate near the gazebo while Sylvain's and Dedue's eyes were seen from the top of the wall. Byleth remembered their excited smiles, and she remembered the little bud of joy that blossomed within her at the sight of her students.

When she opened the box and saw the brooch bearing the symbol of the Blue Lions, that little bud was showered with gratitude and appreciation. For once, she felt her heart grow warmer in their presence.

She remembered Dimitri's shy smile as he handed her a letter and a small gift: a brooch bearing symbol of the Blue Lions. It was still so clear, so vivid, as if she had that brooch pinned on her chest right now.

So, what was… this?

Enough mysteries, enough questions; right now, was she even living _her life—_ or was this someone else's?

———

If there was one thing that was always going to be familiar to Byleth, it was battle. Quick movements, swords clashing, pure silence as they performed their work— Byleth missed being a mercenary. Whatever world this was, whatever life she lived in this odd dream, she was glad that she ended up back where she belonged eventually.

Felix was much better fighter than Byleth remembered. Obviously, he would be; supposedly, Felix would have had sixteen years to improve his technique. There were movements and footwork that even Byleth couldn't have come up with, things that likely came with age and experience.

He sighed and turned away from the bandits' corpses. This could have ended with a troop of badly injured ruffians, but Byleth saw the tattoos on their arms and knew their syndicate wouldn't simply let this go. It had to be done.

"Just like old times, huh?" Felix sheathed his sword and tipped his head towards the river. "Let's go home."

Byleth nodded absentmindedly, afraid to reveal that she didn't know what those "old times" were like for Felix.

Still, she found peace in the silence between them. When he wasn't cloyingly gentle with Byleth, this Felix just seemed like a more mellow version of the boy she knew in her class. It was nice to see him like this, to see what he could be after time and age dulled the anger in him.

Later on, the villagers practically showered them with food and supplies in gratitude. Dinner was a quiet affair, just them in a house that felt too big for two now. A part of Byleth missed the lively energy in the monastery's dining hall, with characters like Annette and Caspar from the other class causing some sort of mayhem in different corners of the room.

Byleth quickly picked up on their patterns at home, from passing dishes to washing and wiping and cleaning up leftovers. It was odd to think that just this morning, she had no idea where she was and who she was with. Now, she was just as confused, but the familiarity was starting to weigh her down, to make her start spreading roots and settling in.

Felix was leaning on the kitchen counter, reading the rest of the letters they got earlier today. Byleth didn't know why, but she felt the urge to pluck those out of his hands, to wrap her arms around his neck, and to pull him in for a kiss, long and slow and steady. So she did.

If this was going to be a wild fantasy, she was _allowed_ to run with it.

It didn't take much for Felix to respond. To be honest, it didn't take anything at all. He embraced her, fingers digging into Byleth's waist as he turned them over and pressed her against the kitchen counter.

Byleth tangled her fingers in Felix's hair and pulled his tie out, letting his dark locks tickle her cheeks. She lifted her knee and pressed against his crotch. The memory of her _good morning_ greeting sent a hot flash down her body, and she arched her back to press against his chest.

Felix's fingers dug deeper into her flesh now. He opened his eyes and laid a dark and heavy gaze on Byleth. "Bedroom," he whispered, even gruffer than his morning voice.

Felix, much like in combat, was all about quick and fluid movements. A kiss here, a shirt taken off there. His hand on her breast, the other tracing the band of her trousers. Byleth was lost in the flurry of movement, but the pad of his thumb brushing against her nipple was enough to bring her back to the present.

He lost her again when he pushed himself into her, the absolute _fullness_ rendering her brain to mush. "Felix," she whispered, reaching behind her to pull him flush against her back. He pressed hot kisses against her shoulders and neck as he started thrusting.

Honestly, Byleth had some experience in this department, mostly in quick escapades with men in various towns and various inns. She never fucked for anything more than pleasure, and it never occurred to her that sex meant anything more than that.

Until this. Until now. Earlier this morning, it felt more like an exploration, like tendrils that were slowly crawling their way up to the light. Tonight's adventure was rougher, harder, heavier with the look in Felix's eyes as he held Byleth close and cradled her face in his hands.

"Byleth, I— I'm close," he whispered, and Byleth nodded frantically as she felt herself nearing her climax as well.

Felix held her hand and pressed a kiss against her palm as he slowed down his pace, seeking to savor the sensation for a bit. Byleth groaned in frustration, but the heightened sensitivity made her absolutely _tingle_ in every inch of her body.

"Byleth," Felix grunted, "let's… try again."

She didn't know what to say. "Try what?" she said, breathy voice barely coming out as the heat started spreading from her toes.

Felix placed their hands on her belly. Byleth's eyes widened at the realization. _Oh._

"It's been years since we last tried." He swallowed the lump in his throat and grit his teeth as his thrusts started turning into shallow rutting. "I want— Byleth, I still want it."

 _"I know."_ She held the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist and started meeting his thrusts with her hips. The room was filled with nothing but silence, nothing but the sound of their flesh meeting and their breathy sighs.

And then there was silence again, but with the faint sounds of their moans muffled into each other's mouths as they came.

Felix pulled out and collapsed beside her, arm immediately swinging over her waist to pull her close. Sweaty and tired, he still found the energy to smile at her and press a kiss on her shoulder. "Sorry," he whispered.

"For what?"

He bit his lip. "I sprung this on you out of nowhere."

At the moment, she didn't know why she let him do that. She didn't know why she would say yes to something that her present self, her _true_ self, wouldn't have ever considered.

When she met his eyes, all she saw was fondness, _love._ She didn't feel like she deserved this, but it was just so new, so foreign, that she couldn't help but want it out of curiosity. To love and be loved; what would that be like?

"It's—" She chuckled, and the warmth in her chest was ready to explode at a moment's notice.

Now she understood. She was never one to care about her future, but this one? This future with this Felix? She wouldn't mind it.

She wouldn't mind loving it, loving _him._

Perhaps… she wouldn't mind staying here. Just maybe, if she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa okay hello i just started my first felileth multichap and i am both excited and nervous haha
> 
> re. the rating: there won't be any explicit sexual content (as far as i know lol) but there will be implied sexual content, much like the scene in this chapter
> 
> title from [Ben&Ben - Roots](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX-Zs7X7RcI)
> 
> [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien)  
> [tumblr (junfhongs)](https://junfhongs.tumblr.com)  
> [curiouscat (/amenochieien)](https://curiouscat.me/amenochieien)


	2. Garland Moon 1180, i

Waking up in her dormitory room in Garreg Mach with a sinking feeling in her stomach and… an incredibly wet pair of underwear was pretty much the worst experience of Byleth's life so far.

Fantasies were fine, they were perfectly normal, but _this?_ No amount of penance could absolve Byleth of the guilt she felt. Even in actions as simple as putting her armor on or preparing her materials for class, all Byleth could think of was how she enjoyed that dream so thoroughly, so _deeply—_

And when she felt the familiar tingle starting deep within her core, she knew she had to _snap out of it_ and go to class.

———

_Act normal, Byleth. It was just a weird dream, nothing more._

She was drawing formations on the board before class when she felt a presence behind her. Tall and hesitant, most likely— "Dimitri," she said, not turning to face him, "do you need something?"

"Ah, nothing really, professor." His usual polite reluctance made Byleth sigh deeply. "I just— you were a bit… not like yourself yesterday. I just wanted to know if you're alright now."

"I was…?" Byleth's brows furrowed. Yesterday seemed completely normal, didn't it?

"Uh, professor?" Annette chirped and shyly showed Byleth her incredibly detailed notes. "I think we already studied those formations yesterday."

Byleth looked back at her study plan and realized that— yes, she _had_ marked this lesson as finished. She rubbed her temples and shot Dimitri a sheepish smile. He only tilted his head and smiled in return. "I see you're still not feeling better."

"Yes, apparently." She averted her gaze. "My training on other subjects with the rest of the faculty members must be getting to me."

As she thought about it more, she really couldn't recall discussing this yesterday. Hell, their lessons were mostly in the training hall! She didn't hold lectures in the classroom at all, so how did her memory skip an entire day?

_Unless…_

"Professor, perhaps you should see Professor Manuela in the infirmary. You might be overfatigued," Dimitri said softly.

In contrast to Dimitri's gentle voice came a frustrated grunt and a barking voice. "Leave her alone, boar," said Felix, settling into his seat as the bell rang.

Seeing Felix again immediately made Byleth's face redden, but she couldn't make that obvious, right? All she had to do was _not_ stare at Felix, wondering exactly how he changed so drastically from the boy she's teaching now to the man she— oh, Goddess, Byleth _really_ needed to stop thinking about that dream.

"Professor?" Mercedes's soft voice cut through Byleth's thoughts. "The bell rang already." She hid a giggle behind her hand. "You might not have heard."

"Ah." Byleth blinked and stared out the window. " _Ah,"_ she repeated, eyes wide as her soul returned to her body. "Yes. Thank you." Byleth cleared her throat. "To, uh, review what we discussed yesterday…"

———

Byleth walked out of the dining hall with a box full of Annette's pastries and a headache threatening to bloom from her temples. There was this lingering feeling in the back of her mind, and for once, it _wasn't_ Sothis telling her off for doing something wrong yet again.

She left the pastries in her room and decided to go out and take a walk to clear her head before sleeping. Perhaps that odd dream happened because of some lingering thoughts— though she swore she didn't have any of _those_ thoughts for Felix, really.

Sothis huffed in her head. 'I do not know who you intend to fool, but you and I both know your thoughts have been revolving around a _certain_ boy all day.'

And then it occurred to Byleth: _Sothis. Sothis must know._

'I do not, in fact, know.' Sothis hummed as she thought deeply. 'You speak of memories that I do not share, and I did feel as if you were… not present yesterday. Though I have grown accustomed to the blankness of your mind, even I was startled at the silence within you. Hmm, what a curious series of events.'

Byleth groaned and brushed Sothis's endless chatter to the back of her mind. Though taking a walk to clear her mind seemed useless in the face of a babbling being that resided in her thoughts, Byleth wanted to give it a shot anyway.

As soon as she left her room, the first sight that greeted her was Felix, standing in front of her door. "Ah, professor." Felix rubbed the back of his neck, uncharacteristically bashful. "I was about to ask if you were free to train with me, but now I remember you haven't been feeling like yourself." There was a sharp glint in his eyes, bright and clear even in the darkness. "I wouldn't want to beat you when you're down."

It was the unwarranted confidence, the youthful arrogance that made Byleth crack a smile. Somehow even that little of an action was enough to catch Felix off guard, to make him blush and take another step back.

"I'd love to spar against you, Felix." Her face returned to its usual expression of nothingness. Briefly, she felt a smirk lifting the corner of her lips. "Maybe beating you again would bring my energy back."

Felix bristled, easily taking the bait. "I'll wait for you in the training grounds then."

A thought crossed Byleth's mind, and she pointedly ignored the way Sothis chuckled at her little idea. "Felix, care to join me for a walk?" Byleth cleared her throat, unsure of where this formality was coming from. Felix wasn't a… stuffy noble brat; he was curter and a lot easier to deal with than any noble Byleth had ever met.

Felix's eyes narrowed, just a little. "Why?"

 _Good question,_ Byleth thought to herself. "Hmm, I need a to warm up a little bit."

"A light jog is a warmup,'' said Felix. Not one to mince words, as always. Byleth didn't understand the suspicion in his stiff posture, in the way he crossed his arms in front of his chest and gripped his sleeve tightly.

Byleth felt the rejection in the tips of her ears. "Are you really _that_ much against spending some time with me?"

The similar redness in Felix's ears, even in the dim lighting under the moon, told Byleth a story she couldn't quite decipher yet. "No, I guess not." He sighed and dropped his arms. "Lead the way, professor."

As they began following Byleth's usual path around the monastery—walking along the dormitories, going down by the pond, greeting the horses in the stable, passing by the graveyard, gaping at the vast depth beneath the bridge to the cathedral, and finally visiting the classrooms before going to the training hall—Byleth realized that she didn't know what to say.

Even when she met the Felix who was supposedly her husband, it seemed like she knew exactly how to fit into his life. She didn't know anything about him, didn't know their whole history with each other, but his presence easily became comforting to her.

A part of Byleth wanted to watch this Felix turn into that man, but that would require her to admit that she wanted that… _fantasy_ to become real. In the silence of their walk, Byleth could hear Sothis chuckling knowingly.

"Tell me," Felix said suddenly, walking just half a step behind Byleth, "what is it do you think I lack?"

 _Social sensitivity,_ Byleth wanted to say, but she wouldn't be a good judge of that anyway. She settled for a nonchalant, "Why do you ask?"

Byleth's pace slowed down as they approached the pond. She liked the sound of the water rippling with the movements of the fish beneath the surface, liked how the moonlight reflected on it. Felix seemed more preoccupied with his question and how he could justify it to Byleth. She was never one to stop and smell the roses, but this time, she indulged herself by kneeling near the pond's edge and dipping her fingers in the water.

Felix huffed in exasperation. "Byleth, we—"

"Have all the time in the world." She looked up at him and motioned to tell him to sit. Felix, despite his grumbling, followed anyway, settling down beside her and gazing at the water.

"I didn't know you were… this type of person." It didn't sound like a judgement. Knowing Felix, he probably just meant it the way he said it. Others would think he was rude for saying things as they were, but Byleth liked his straightforward nature. In this new world she was in, full of nobles wearing masks and archbishops with unreadable secrets, it was refreshing to find someone so… easy to be with.

"I wasn't, mostly because I was a mercenary as soon as I learned to pick up a sword." Byleth clenched her hand into a fist, and then let it go. "But now, I feel like I'm finally allowed to take my time."

Felix remained silent for a while. A duck swam past them, causing a hint of a smile to grace both of their faces. In the silence, Byleth figured out what it was she wanted to say.

"I think," Felix interrupted her train of thought, "I know why I feel like you and I are more alike than we'd seem."

Byleth tilted her head. "Go on."

"It's— what you said. Being a child while also being raised to be a warrior is…" Felix chuckled, mirthlessly in Byleth's interpretation. "It is what it is."

"I don't know if I'd prefer that it weren't." Byleth mirrored Felix's grimace. "I can't even imagine not being like this."

Their eyes met for a bit, just enough for Byleth to appreciate the warm amber of Felix's eyes when they weren't so cold and distant. Felix nodded at her. It wasn't a lot to go by, but much like most of Felix's other typically unreadable actions, Byleth understood. Wordlessly, silently, she understood.

"I have an answer, by the way. Of what you lack." Byleth stood up and brushed the dust off her leggings. Staring at the far distance of the pond, she nodded to herself. "Just time. Time and experience." Her mind drifted to the warrior she fought with in that dream, the man who would emerge from the shell of this boy.

Byleth smiled. "You have all the time in the world."

———

Ashe yelled as he fell on his ass, blushing fiercely at the way his voice cracked. Byleth simply sighed and offered him a hand to help him up. "Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully. "I really do think you have potential with lances."

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know, professor…"

He really didn't, but Byleth did. She saw how he improved, how he slowly found his footing and adapted from the quick and light stance he always took as an archer. Just a little more training, a little more practice, and Byleth could tell he was going to be an excellent soldier.

Byleth snapped her fingers as she planned her next approach. "Let's try it with training weights this time." The disappointment in Ashe's eyes made Byleth chuckle, but it also made her realize that someone had been watching them for a while now.

There was really only one person who would.

"So," Byleth turned around and placed her hands on her hips, "got any advice, Felix?"

Felix was leaning against a pillar, hidden in the shadows. "I don't know. I'm a swordsman."

Byleth's brows furrowed. On most days, she liked Felix's straightforward nature, the way he never minced words just for the sake of pleasantries. Today, he reeked of arrogance. "What a narrow-minded way of thinking," Byleth grumbled.

She walked to grab a pair of weights from the far end of the room, ignoring Felix as she passed through. "I want to spar," he said, almost petulantly from Byleth's perspective.

Byleth sighed in response and shrugged him off. "I'm teaching someone else right now. Maybe later."

"But I—"

Byleth drew her blade—well, the wooden sword that was strapped to her hips—and pointed it at Felix's throat, eyes burning as she pinned him with her stare. "I am _everyone's_ professor, Felix, not just yours." She took a deep, deep breath and lowered her blade.

Before walking away, she turned her head to look at him again. "Knock on my door later tonight if you really want to spar. But," the glint in her eyes dulled the muted eagerness in Felix's, "know that I won't go easy on you. More so than usual."

She didn't wait for Felix's response, choosing to focus all her thoughts on improving Ashe's stance and stability instead of thinking about how much time she had been spending with Felix recently.

A part of her was concerned that it would look… _bad,_ for the lack of a better term. Was it weird that she was teaching the student who wanted to learn more about fighting with the weapon she was most proficient in? Teaching Felix was just so much easier than teaching all the others who made her learn and recall techniques from secondhand observations in battle, not from her actual experiences.

She didn't care, not until she heard Ashe and Ingrid talking about it after class, wondering when they were going to get the one-on-one sessions Byleth always seemed to be having with Felix.

It wasn't intentional, really! It just… happened.

Ashe was sheepish and hesitant as he put on the training weights. "D-do I really have to, professor?"

"Come on, one more time before we start again tomorrow." Byleth felt a small smile form on her lips as Ashe groaned and lifted his wooden lance up with difficulty.

———

Felix didn't show up that night. Or the next night. Even on the next.

It made Byleth a little sad, to be honest. She was looking forward to a good training session, one that would serve her as well. Felix had a lot to improve on, but he was getting there much more quickly than others.

He still showed up to class, as bored and inattentive as ever. Except, to everyone's surprise and probably their great joy, there were fewer biting comments, less glares from sharp eyes that instantly made people shut up and sit down.

Most evident of all, there was no one quietly waiting for Byleth after class, offering her a wooden sword as soon as she entered the training grounds. There was no soft challenge in his smirk, no bewildered look in his eyes as Byleth saw right through his new techniques and new approaches and beat him yet again. There were no more quiet conversations as they cooled down, no feigned disinterest as he asked Byleth something about her life as a mercenary as casually as he could manage.

Byleth wouldn't admit that she missed it, but she did.

"Hey there, professor." Sylvain flashed her a charming grin as he picked up his training lance and leaned on the column beside Byleth. "Been looking forward to our one-on-one session all week."

Byleth fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Alright, Sylvain. No flirting tolerated today." Only then did Byleth roll her eyes at his feigned disappointment. "Come on, show me what you got."

Sylvain actually put up a good fight, exerting himself more than Byleth expected he ever could or would. His movements were a little slower than she would have liked, but she saw the power behind each step and swing. Most importantly, she saw the way his eyes moved to take in her movements, to attempt to predict her next step and gain the upper hand in any way he could.

Sylvain was good, holding his own on bouts that lasted longer and longer before he yielded. He didn't like showing it, for some reason, but battle always showed more than lessons. Actions spoke louder than words, so to speak.

"Okay, okay, enough," Sylvain huffed as he dropped his weapon and sat on the stone slabs of the training grounds.

"You can't just— quit." Byleth felt herself chuckling at Sylvain's indignant groan. She decided to take a seat in front of him. "Alright, fine. You did well today." She averted her eyes. "Surprisingly."

"I'll ignore that last part." Sylvain placed his hands behind his head and leaned back on the column. After a few moments of silence, he groaned once more and leaned forward to shoot a nonchalant grin at Byleth. "You really kicked my ass today, professor. I have no idea how some people last more than one session with you, professor. You know… people like _Felix,_ I guess."

Byleth snorted. _Bad segue, but go on._

"He doesn't know it, but I'm his best friend. Really!" Byleth heard that they grew up together with Dimitri and Ingrid too, but she still found it difficult to imagine. "And as his best friend, I can confidently say he's… pretty tough to deal with, professor. Never know what he's thinking."

Byleth shook her head. "I think he's pretty easy to read." She paused, thought about the way he had been distancing himself recently, and decided to take that statement back. "Sometimes."

"He has moments when he, you know, _makes sense._ " Sylvain bit his lip as he leaned back once more. "But on the rare times that he does, we know exactly when he likes someone."

 _Oh. Oh no._ Byleth's eyes widened. "Oh, uh, Sylvain, I don't think that's—"

Sylvain laughed uncontrollably, loud enough to fill the whole training hall. "Oh, oh no, professor, not like _that._ " There was something suspicious about the look in his eyes as he hid his smile behind his hand. "I mean, Felix liking someone is as simple as being capable of tolerating them. You know, _unlike_ typical Felix behavior."

The relief hit Byleth like a truck. The disappointment creeped in a little later, but she chose to ignore it when it came.

"Anyway, uh, he's… going to figure himself out, professor." Sylvain stood up and softened his gaze at Byleth. "Just give him some time, okay? We'll get him to shape up."

Sylvain's words made sense, but… "Why?" Byleth called out for him as he walked away. "Why say all this?"

"Ah, well—" Sylvain shrugged as he walked backwards to the exit, giving Byleth another one of his disarming smiles. "Just some observations."

Byleth rolled her eyes and fell back on the ground when Sylvain was finally gone. In _what_ world did that conversation make sense? Sure, Byleth used to think Sylvain could be a blabbermouth if he wanted to. After seeing him in battle and knowing a bit of what he was capable of, Byleth knew he was a lot smarter than that, a lot more calculated.

She groaned and brushed it away. No need to worry about that, as long as it meant that Felix might go back to training with her as soon as possible.

———

She pretended not to notice him sneaking around in the training hall while she went through her notes for him. It was only for his benefit; smarter foes could lay a trap just like this and render him dead in seconds.

It was _not_ because she was delaying an inevitable conversation with someone who she had been constantly thinking about for the past week.

Sothis groaned at the back of her mind. 'At last, some peace and quiet.'

There was a rustle about two meters behind her, slightly to the left. Byleth smiled and rested her hand on the hilt of her training sword. A little misstep later, and Felix found himself on his back, parrying Byleth's strike with his own weapon.

Byleth's lips smiled, just a little brighter than usual nothingness, but even against the light, it was enough for Felix's eyes to widen and for him to drop his weapon.

"I yield," he said gruffly. Byleth missed the sound of that.

She helped him up. As per usual—before this whole saga with him ignoring her and her not knowing what the hell she should do about it—they sat with their backs against the columns, facing the center of the training grounds without looking at each other.

It would be easier for both of them that way. Byleth had mostly gotten over it, but there were nights when she vaguely felt the warmth of _that_ Felix's touch on her skin. It was more than unnerving to see _this_ Felix in the classroom just a little bit after she woke up from that.

Felix huffed before standing up with his hands curled into fists. "I'm still not—" He groaned and sat back down. "I'm… I'm sorry."

Byleth tried her best not to snap her neck to look at him, knowing that spooked animals didn't take well to sudden movements. "For what?"

Felix shrugged. "You were right. I was taking up too much of your time," he said flatly. "I'm sorry that I— I, uh—" Byleth's eyes caught a flash of white by Felix's fist and quickly moved to snatch the paper out of his hand.

Felix's eyes could have popped out of his head. "Uh, professor, h-hey, give that _back,_ " he said in a voice about an octave above his usual. He tried to steal it back, but Byleth was good at being fast, fast enough to read the scribbled list of apologies Felix was planning on making.

Byleth gave it back to Felix with half-lidded eyes and a fond smile. "So…" she cleared her throat to give his bright red cheeks time to calm down, "did Sylvain put you up to this?"

He shook his head. "Ingrid did the convincing. Sylvain did…" he waved the scrap of paper in the air before crumpling it in his fist, _"this."_

The hand over Byleth's mouth couldn't hide the way her shoulders shook as she laughed. So _this_ was what that conversation was all about.

"This is… stupid." Felix kicked the ground beneath his feet. "I'm sorry for this. And everything else." He bit his cheek. "You read Sylvain's notes. You know what I was going to say."

Byleth's hands fell back on her lap. "I want to hear you say it."

Felix's brows furrowed. "Ugh, fine, but I'm _not_ using Sylvain's ridiculous script." His eyes stared up towards the ceiling, as far away from Byleth's prying gaze.

"I don't get along with most people, and that's usually because they bore me. Or they irritate me. One or the other." Felix shrugged. "But you?"

Felix managed to look at Byleth's general direction even as his ears still glowed bright pink. "I respect you, professor. I… admire you. I want to learn from you as much as I can, as often as I can." He traced the grain of his sword's hilt. "Even if I know I'm being too selfish."

A few moments of silence passed. His body language told Byleth that he wasn't planning on running away this time. He was waiting for a response, but Byleth wasn't very good at that. She was good at many things, but not… this.

"You're not being selfish," she said quietly. It wasn't much, but it was the most she could articulate right now. "I have notes from our last session. I'll see you tomorrow."

She stood up and offered him a hand. The confusion on his face made Byleth's gaze soften. "Just like that?" he asked, now sounding so much younger than he usually seemed when he played the role of an angry teen attempting to be a man.

"Did you expect more?" He took her hand and lifted himself up. Though she tried to ignore it, her mind couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like if she leaned closer and rested against his chest.

_No, Byleth. Bad, Byleth._

"I thought it would be a lot more difficult than this." He chuckled, oddly enough. "Then again, with you…"

"With me…?" Byleth stared up at him with wide eyes.

Felix bit the inside of his cheek again and kept his gaze to the far corner of the room. "It's easier. Being with you." He cleared his throat. "Less talking, usually."

Byleth stepped back and hid her smile behind her hand. "Alright, that's enough." She tilted her head to catch his eye. "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." He nodded. "I've grown a lot in the past week or so. You'd be surprised."

Byleth scoffed, though she was curious to see if he could live up to his claims. "We'll see, Felix. We'll see."

The walk back to the dormitories was filled with little bouts of banter, taunts and jabs at each other's ability that Byleth could never have experienced with any other student. Felix was right; being with him was easier for her too. Somehow, in every unfamiliar situation, Felix was the one person who could keep her anchored, the closest to home she would ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> academy phase felix is an angsty teenage boy and thats why we love him
> 
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	3. Verdant Rain Moon 1196

When Byleth woke up in a bed of soft sheets and an arm slung over her waist, she realized she had been smiling before she even opened her eyes. She didn't know what recurring dreams meant, but she knew she particularly liked this one.

"I'm back," she whispered, not sure whom it was for. The body beside her chuckled as it inched closer.

"What are you talking about now?" Felix mumbled into his pillow. He looked up with sleepy eyes, and the faint wrinkles around his eyes threw Byleth off for a bit. "Always so weird, By."

Comforted by familiarity, Byleth allowed herself to sink into the sheets and fall asleep for a few more minutes, just a little longer…

———

Byleth didn't know much about the protocol of waking up from sleeping within a dream, but she was glad that she didn't wake up back in her tiny dormitory room in Garreg Mach again. Felix was still mumbling in his sleep beside her. As stealthily as she could manage, Byleth slipped out of bed and walked out into the hallway— the hallway of _their_ home, if she recalled correctly.

There were new trinkets along the wall, more pieces of furniture and equipment strewn along the walls. Some time must have passed between now and her last visit here, and it seemed like their life was just as colorful as always. It made Byleth sigh, made her smile. Being here was nice. Unfamiliar, yet just like the home she never had and didn't know she even wanted.

She settled in the kitchen, not sure what kind of breakfast she wanted to—or _could_ —make. The past few months in the monastery made her spoiled; perhaps one of the best things about being in Garreg Mach was waking up to a hot delicious breakfast without doing any of the work for it.

Her father would have chided her for growing too comfortable in reality, but going back to this mercenary lifestyle made her appreciate those little things even more. A few minutes after the smell of food started wafting into the air, Byleth heard sleepy footsteps coming from the hallway.

"Good morning," Felix mumbled. He took the cup of tea Byleth offered him and sat on the counter, watching her flit about. "You're lively today. Woke up on the right side of the bed for once, I see."

There was an inside joke somewhere in Felix's smile, but Byleth shrugged it off. "Just felt like it."

Felix seemed to accept her silence as _typical Byleth behavior._ Obviously, she was grateful for that. They prepared breakfast in companionable silence, as Byleth grew to understand.

She remembered silence as this beautiful thing that burdened others, as the peaceful moment for her that others dreaded to face when they were around her. Jeralt never tried to tell her to change, never forced her to learn how to overcome this awkwardness. Byleth thought she would have to spend her entire life feeling like she should feel sorry for how she was. Somehow, the thought that someone could respect—and maybe even enjoy—her silence was a little comforting.

Felix hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Still sleepy," he mumbled into her ear, enjoying the way she cringed and tried to weasel out of his embrace. "Make me coffee?"

Byleth rolled her eyes. "Go make your own." A thought crossed her mind. "So _needy._ It's as if you're my student again."

"I was _not_ needy." Felix pulled back to glare at her from behind. She knew exactly what his dagger-like eyes looked like, and she considered herself _immune._

"Oh really?" She turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest, the tilt of her head presenting Felix with a challenge. "I'm not sure if I'm remembering this right— weren't _you_ the one who threw a fit when I spent more time training my other students and not just you?"

Felix's eyes grew dark, but his pinkish ears told Byleth all she needed to know. "That wasn't being needy; that was— that was, I mean, it…"

Byleth bit back a grin. She wasn't sure if something like that really happened in this strange future but knowing Felix… it likely happened.

"Oh, I really wish I kept that note you wrote for yourself—"

_"That's enough!"_

———

Felix started cleaning up first. "I'll take care of this," said Felix, hands on Byleth's waist as she walked past him. "Go wash up." He sent her away with a chaste kiss on the cheek and a little smile on his lips.

She didn’t linger too long in the bath. Felix was talking about a job a few hours away from here, and she was excited to see more of the world around them. A lot could happen in sixteen years.

Felix was lying on the rug in front of the fireplace when Byleth finished washing up. She hesitated for a moment before grinning as she collapsed beside him, tossing her wet hair over his face. "Hey, I'm holding letters," he grumbled, but he playfully tugged on a tuft of her hair before rolling away.

He reached out for one on the couch and passed it to Byleth. Her brows furrowed as she recognized the symbol for Almyra on the envelope. "Who—" Byleth shook her head and opened the letter instead of asking. This seemed a little too significant for Byleth to forget.

 _'Hey, Teach. Hope this letter finds you well. Then again, you are with Felix, so I'm sure you're doing just fine (I hope you still are— this would be_ really _awkward if you weren't).'_

It was from Claude, surprisingly. The full story of why he was coming from Almyra hadn't fully clicked in her mind yet, but she would get there eventually.

_'I know, it's been over a year since my last letter. You took ages to respond to me, but I guess the mercenary life has been treating you well. Being a king is pretty tough too though. You should be grateful I make time for these letters every now and then._

_'I had an odd dream a few nights ago. We were in the throne room, fighting Edelgard, but she was this weird mix of a human and a demonic beast. It was terrifying, but it made me more sad than scared. I don't know, professor. We just ended the war she started and found a way to change the world to what I envisioned, but it never feels right.'_

Byleth's head was reeling. What… war? And Edelgard caused it? What kind of world was she dreaming of? The details were starting to terrify her; this story was a little _too_ rich to come from her subconscious.

_'You don't have to respond to that, Teach. I left Fódlan in your hands without even asking if you wanted it or were ready for it. Years later, and I'm still grateful that you helped make my vision come true._

He said a few more things in his letter. He spoke of people, places, battles, and negotiations in the past tense, as if Byleth should have known about them. He spoke of gaining allies and losing friends. He spoke of a decade of burdens that Byleth had to bear, but everything flew right over Byleth's head.

_'No need to reply to this if you don't want to. Knowing you, you probably want to, but you'll forget about it until half a year has passed and even I forgot I sent this. I hope you're always doing well, Teach.'_

Byleth's head was aching as she put the letter down. So many thoughts, _too many thoughts,_ running through her head— and the vast majority of them were questions with answers that she almost didn't want to hear.

"Doesn't look like good news." Felix yawned as he climbed onto the couch. "Is Claude okay?"

"He's fine," said Byleth, still a little dazed. "He, uh, had a dream about the war. About Edelgard."

Felix's expression darkened. "Huh."

Byleth didn't know how to approach this. She wanted to know more about this war, about how they ended up here. The bubble around them finally burst, and she was both eager and hesitant to truly see the world around them.

"Sorry. We probably haven't talked about this in a while."

"Yeah, well. It wasn't like the war was pleasant for anybody. And _I_ was the one who was awake for five years of it." Felix rubbed the back of his neck, eyes avoiding Byleth's gaze. "Then again, being asleep at the bottom of a river probably wasn't a good experience either."

_… what?_

If Byleth was getting this right, she was _asleep_ for five years while a war caused by Edelgard ravaged the continent? Alright, she was used to hearing some strange things in her life, been through her fair share of zany adventures, but not like _this._

There was still a name she was waiting for, someone who Claude didn't mention in his letter. It worried Byleth. "I… I remembered Dimitri."

Felix's face was void of emotion. The silence in the room was suffocating Byleth. It was the type of silence that even she couldn't stand, the silence that spoke volumes, that spoke of emotions, of _pain_ that remained unsaid.

"Sorry for bringing it up," she mumbled. His stare was pensive as he gazed at the swords that they hung over their fireplace: a pair of matching blades and an odd-looking sword that was made of… bones. Byleth didn't know where they were from, but if they kept them at such a central spot in their home, they must have had some significance in their lives.

To her surprise, Felix just shrugged it off and gave her a weak smile. "It's fine. It really has been a while since we talked about this." He stared at his hands. "We move on. It's what we have to do, right?"

Byleth saw a flash of that younger Felix in him, just in that moment. It wasn't the most pleasant side of him, sure, but the flash of familiarity was a bit comforting. Not everything about this world, this dream, this future, this fantasy, was unrecognizable.

"Still," Felix reached out for Byleth's hand, "I'm glad I waited for you." His amber eyes warmed the hesitation in Byleth's heart, the one that kept her from reaching out and tangling their fingers together. "Those five years were hell, but you were worth it."

———

"Don't forget my—"

Byleth rolled her eyes as she pulled the whetstone out of Felix's sack to show him. "You said it twelve different times; _I got it,_ okay?"

" _Yes,_ thank you!" Felix wore the brightest smile that Byleth had ever seen on him. It was just a quick overnight job, a few hours from their house, but he was obviously a lot more excited than she expected.

He said they only settled down in this house a few years ago; it wasn't too late to go back to being travelling mercenaries. A part of Byleth kind of wanted to experience that again. Maybe in this dream, she could go back to something more comfortable with someone who brought the sense of _home_ that she was looking for.

Felix folded up his map and placed it in his bag. "Let's stop by the village before we go. I asked the blacksmith to forge something for me."

"No problem. We might be a little short on water." Little conversations like these always made Byleth feel warm inside, even if she didn't know why. Maybe it was because she used to have these conversations with her father. He was the commander of his band of mercenaries, so he was always thinking about those little things.

Byleth wasn't particularly close with her father, not in the way others would describe 'closeness.' He understood her when no one else could. He took care of her to the best of his abilities, and a large part of who she was came from how Jeralt raised her and taught her to see the world.

Life was funny. Somehow, all these years and weird events and stories later, she was meant to end up right where she started: a mercenary living with the only person who made her feel heard, feel understood.

She bought two more canteens at the general store before walking back to where they tied their horses. On the way, she passed by a bookstore.

She was just a little curious. It was a _war;_ surely someone must have written something about it already.

She was browsing through the shelves when the owner of the store approached her with a bag of biscuits. "Hello, Byleth. Are you and Felix going on a trip?"

Byleth assessed the situation. It seemed like they were familiar with each other; maybe they worked for her before? She mustered up an awkward smile and nodded. "A job a few hours away. We're just buying supplies before we hit the road."

The lady smiled once more and handed Byleth the snacks, insisting that she took it even if Byleth kept trying to refuse her. "Please, take it. You've done so much for our little village. It's the least I can give you."

Byleth never stayed for long in any place when she was with her father. They were always moving around, never growing roots anywhere or growing attached to people. There was this one girl, Leonie, now a student in the Academy, who she vaguely remembered hanging around her father as a kid. Other than that, Byleth never really experienced fond gratitude and indebtedness from the people she worked for.

This was new. It was kind of nice.

Byleth heard a gasp from behind the lady. "Mama, is that—" The little girl was immediately shushed by her mother, who gave Byleth a shaky grin.

"I-I'm _so_ sorry about my daughter, really—"

"No, I'd—" Byleth bit her lip. "I'd like to hear what she was going to say."

The little girl's eyes widened as she stepped forward and bowed deeply. "Um, y-you're Byleth, right? The old queen?" She stood straight up with a bright grin. "Thank you, um, Your Majesty. I… I want to grow up to be just like you!"

It took a while for Byleth to respond with a gentle smile and a finger on her lips. She bent down to meet the little girl's height. "Can you keep this our little secret?" The girl stared at her with wide eyes as she nodded. "Thank you. You're going to be a great warrior—"

Her mother cleared her throat and glared at Byleth. "Knight?" Byleth offered.

She coughed once more. " _Person,"_ Byleth said flatly. "You're going to be a _great human being_ someday."

The girl seemed to be content with that as she grinned and ran to hide behind her mother again. "We'll leave so you can look around," the mother offered kindly.

It took a while, but Byleth was finally alone. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she knew that there was something odd about this future that she was in. She couldn't excuse it as a dream anymore; there was too much going on for this to be a simple fantasy.

_Calm down, Byleth._

She browsed through the shelves, looking for a recent book on Fódlan's history. Felix said she was gone for about five years before she helped Claude end the war. Claude, the current _king of Almyra,_ told her that he left Fódlan's fate in her hands. That little girl called her the _queen._ If she was getting these details right, she must have been the queen of all of Fódlan for about a decade. What… did she do?

The most recent history book she found was published about five years ago. She was in the middle of her reign, so it didn't have details about her leadership. But it had details on the war, and this was where Byleth's stomach dropped.

Edelgard really did attempt to conquer all of Fódlan. After they ended the Empire's conquest, they also went after an ancient civilization that loomed over Fódlan's past and threatened to bring eternal darkness to its future. Thousands of lives were lost. She recognized more names in those books, students in the Academy who apparently lost their lives in the war. One day, she saw them in the classroom, in the dining hall, around the monastery. The next day, she read in a history book that they _died._

It made Byleth chuckle. At some point, she was laughing hysterically, mind reeling at everything she had just read. This was becoming more and more surreal. Then it occurred to her that the war wouldn't have lasted that long if she were there to stop it. Why… wasn't she there? Where was she? What was she doing? _How could she let all of that happen?_

She put the book back in its spot on the shelf and rushed out of the bookstore, desperate for a breath of fresh air. Felix was waiting beside their horses, a little grumpy as he waited for Byleth to come stumbling into his arms. His expression changed to one of concern as her distraught eyes met his. "Byleth?"

She pressed her lips together and gave him a tight smile. "Just, um… remembered some things."

Felix sighed, as if he knew he didn't have to ask, and hugged her once more. "I know, Byleth. I know." Byleth pulled away and attempted to place her bags on her horse, not wanting to meet Felix's eyes again. He grabbed her hand before she could attempt to climb her horse. _"Byleth,"_ he said with the deepest voice he could muster, now grabbing her attention, "it wasn't your fault."

She was never one to cry, never the type to even show emotions. But this time, she didn't know why her chest was hurting like this. She didn't know why she cared so much about a past that she didn't even remember taking part of. Byleth bit her lip, bit back her tears. _How did he know?_ "How could you say that? How could you be so sure?"

"Because if the Goddess inside you wanted to end that war five years earlier, She would have woken you up by then." Byleth felt another round of nausea. _The Goddess?_ This day felt like whiplash after whiplash of information, and she was _exhausted._

"Look. It's true that we wouldn't have won that war without you. But even if we never lost you, I don't think we would have won with how we were. I don't think we were strong enough or smart enough or _desperate_ enough to have done everything we needed to do to end that war." Felix held both of her hands and squeezed tightly.

"We needed those five years to get better, Byleth. We didn't have our _magical_ professor to save the day anymore." He cupped her cheek, his thumb tracing the faint scars on her face. "And then when we got you back, we _had_ to be ready. That's all that there was to it. Stop beating yourself up over the past."

His gaze went far, far away for a moment. Byleth learned to decipher that as Felix's expression every time he thought about Dimitri. She read about what happened to him. She wanted to think that the Dimitri she knew in her class was not the same disgraced king who was slaughtered on that battlefield.

But Felix was right. She didn't have to think about a past she had no control over. She never really looked forward to anything before, but now all she had was a future, _this_ future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scene where byleth remembered her father in felix was inspired by this [comic by endspire](https://endspire.tumblr.com/post/190783234515/felileth%E3%83%95%E3%82%A7%E3%83%AA%E3%83%AC%E3%82%B9-i-like-the-endings-where-they) (who is amazing btw thank you for your lovely art, end!!)
> 
> anyway i hope everyone's excited for felileth week next week !!!! the next chapter might be delayed so i can post it on……… a more appropriate day 👀 ehe
> 
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	4. Ethereal Moon 1185

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written for Felileth Week 2020 day 5: opposing sides

The future was an odd concept for Byleth.

She lived in the present because she never thought about where her life was headed, and to be completely honest, she didn't really care. When she was still a travelling mercenary with her father, all she had to do was fight and obey orders.

Things changed when she became a professor. Suddenly, there were lesson plans and individual training and kids—barely a few years younger than her—who looked up to her. They expected her to _lead_ them, to guide them towards their future. Suddenly, Byleth had to think about the future, even if it wasn't really hers.

Living in an alternate future was interesting— no, it was _mind-blowing._ She didn't have to think ahead; all she had to was live in it. It was so easy to not have to think of how to get there, to not really deal with the little consequences along the way. She experienced the 'happily ever after' without going through the bulk of the story.

Like most good things in life, she had to have known that it wasn't going to last.

———

Byleth opened her eyes and groaned as the familiar ceiling of her room in Garreg Mach greeted her sadly. She must have woken up a little early today; the sun was barely up in the sky.

Her brows furrowed as she felt the weight of her winter blanket on her body. That was odd, but even _odder_ was the cold air that hit her body as soon as she kicked the sheets off her. She climbed back under its warmth immediately.

"What the hell," she whispered as she looked around her room. The clock on her desk told her it was just a bit after six in the morning, the usual time she woke up. The sun should have risen half an hour ago. It wasn't supposed to be this cold, wasn't supposed to feel this _wrong._

She quickly got dressed and wrapped herself in the cloak hanging beside her armor. She was rushing to leave her room, but her feet turned to lead as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror by the door.

_Light green hair._

Byleth swallowed the lump in her throat. That… that wasn't right, no, no, that couldn't be.

Heart racing, she opened the door and was immediately greeted by a giant banner of Empire's symbol, bright red and burning itself into her eyes.

Garreg Mach was covered in red: from the banners in every corner to the uniforms of the knights and soldiers walking doing their rounds. This wasn't right, and obviously this _wasn't_ the life that she thought she would go back to after her short stint in her dream with Felix.

Based on what she read, Edelgard's army never took hold of Garreg Mach. The Resistance Army did. But seeing all these banners and soldiers, it was obvious that this wasn't the same history Byleth read of just yesterday.

It was time to accept it: this _was_ real. All of it was real. Her life as a professor was reality. Her future with Felix was reality. And this _,_ this _strange_ , twisted world where she sat right at the heart of the Empire's operations in Garreg Mach… _this_ was reality too.

All three of them were different… realities, different lives, different possibilities. And Byleth was able to live in all three of them.

As soon as she accepted that, Byleth felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. That weight was very quickly replaced by a crushing pressure building up around her lungs, forcing her to take quick, shallow breaths to even get a _little_ air inside her body. The thin air of the Oghma mountains were burning her lungs with each shaky breath she took, and Byleth eventually found herself sitting on the steps in front of her room, too overwhelmed to hide back inside.

It took her ages to get herself together. _Think, Byleth. You need to think._

How come all she could think about was Felix? Instead of literally _anyone else,_ he was all she could think about. Would he… join Edelgard's side? In this alternate future where Byleth, for some odd reason, chose to side with Edelgard, would Felix have done the same? Would he be here right now, perhaps not safe from the general dangers of war, but at least safe from the burning path that Edelgard planned to carve for herself in Fódlan?

There was only one place she would find him, if he were here. With shaky steps, Byleth made her way to the training hall. She never really prayed, but if that Goddess were listening to her, if She were _really_ inside of her, Byleth hoped that those doors would open and give her the answer she was so desperate to know.

The training hall was never silent. There were always students there, always sounds of chatter and wood striking wood and other little things that Byleth found comforting. The sounds of battle were familiar to her.

This silence was not. The emptiness, the lifeless energy that occupied his favorite haunt in the monastery— it was unsettling. A tiny part of her was still hoping that maybe, _just maybe,_ he was still sleeping or eating breakfast or getting a sword forged at the blacksmith, _anything, please just be here._

But a part of her—the one that was sinking with her stomach—didn't need any more confirmation.

"Hey there, professor."

The familiar drawl made Byleth's eyes widen, and she quickly turned around to face Sylvain, not any taller but a little wearier now. His smile, paired with the same glint in his eyes, relieved Byleth. Older, but still somewhat the same— it comforted her and unnerved her all at once.

Sylvain, as Byleth discovered just a few days ago, was a lot sharper than he made himself seem. It took him one look to realize that there something wrong with Byleth's shaking hands and her wet eyes. "Professor?" he pried, not sure where this was headed.

"I—" There was no subtle way to ask what Byleth desperately needed to know. If there was one person she wanted to trust in this reality, it would be Sylvain, for some odd reason. "Where's Felix?"

His expression darkened. It wasn't much, but Byleth clearly saw how concern transformed into regret and a deep, deep sadness for the inevitable. "With his father. With Dimitri." He took one step towards Byleth, quietly observing how she flinched at his movement. "Why do you ask, professor? I haven't really seen him in years, not after I… left them to search for you."

_Of course. Of course he wouldn't._

Sylvain still hadn't fully deciphered Byleth's blank expressions, but he was getting close. "You seem a little different today, professor." He was at least close enough to figure out that this wasn't just a random question and her unease was born from genuine confusion.

She tried to chuckle, but it came out as a shaky breath. "Do I?" she said weakly.

Sylvain offered an arm, his debonair smile returning to his face. "Take a walk with me, yeah?" At Byleth's hesitation, his smile faltered. "Come on, might help you clear your head."

Byleth nodded, eyes trained on the exit. Maybe Sylvain was right. He didn't have all the answers, but he must have known something, _anything._ She had to know her role, know where she fit into all of Edelgard's plans. She knew that there was no point in stopping Edelgard, no point in ending it all.

But if she could keep operating as 'normal', maybe she could find Felix— and a find a way to spare him from the trail of death this war was going to leave in its wake.

———

Despite how Sylvain called her, Byleth wasn't a professor anymore. Hell, there was no academy left to teach in. Garreg Mach was nothing like the monastery she once knew and so were the people in it.

Byleth never really got acquainted with the students of the Black Eagles. None of them ever asked to transfer to the Blue Lions while she was a professor, so she could only vaguely identify them by their names and their most evident quirks. She knew she was expected to know them inside and out as if she were truly their professor, the one who had guided them through a rough year in school, but she _wasn't_. She usually addressed her problems with her blade, but now, her first approach was to run away as often as possible, as soon as possible.

Byleth spent that night flitting from her room to the training grounds to the dining hall to the library and back again. Her energy was boundless, as was her anxiety. As soon as she saw one of her supposed former students, she left the room, not willing to blow her cover over a simple conversation. Not everyone was as perceptive as Sylvain, sure, but she didn’t want to take that risk.

"Professor!" a lilting voice called out from beyond the hedge. Byleth cursed under her breath as she levelled a blank stare at Dorothea. She took the seat in front of Byleth and caught her breath. "I've been trying to chase after you all day, you know."

Byleth gave her a small smile and poured her a cup of tea. Dorothea made a face as she took a sip and subtly pushed the cup away from her after putting it down. This was Felix's favorite tea and, by association, Byleth's as well.

"Sorry, it might be a little bitter for your tastes." Byleth took a sip to avoid Dorothea's eyes.

"It's alright, I wasn't here to have tea anyway." She leaned back and stretched her neck to the side. "Edelgard's calling for you in the war room."

"Another meeting?" The exasperation in Byleth's voice was fortunately received with laughter by Dorothea.

"Don't worry, the weekly war meeting's still tomorrow." She made a face like she was about to barf and laughed as that finally evoked a little smile on Byleth's face. "Oh, professor. I missed this."

The fondness in her eyes made Byleth unconsciously look away. She felt… sorry. She was sorry for not being the Byleth that Dorothea missed so much. She was sorry that she didn't know her favorite tea or anything about her other than the vaguest idea of who she was from how she acted and dressed.

The more time Byleth spent with any of them, the more guilty she felt for not being who they wanted her to be. That guilt, mixed with the anxiety of walking on eggshells around anyone and everyone she interacted with, made her want to run away, as far away as possible from this future that she didn't actually choose.

She couldn't, for obvious reasons. Most important of them all was the fact that she didn't know what would happen if she did. Would Edelgard consider her as an enemy and hunt her down? Would that affect the entire war and perhaps save Fódlan from its fate in Edelgard's hands? Would she win anyway and not have Byleth there to rein her in and preserve some sort of balance as much as she could?

Would Byleth ever be able to come back to this reality or would it remain as an odd dream in her memories?

There was no time to think about that, not as she slowly approached the doors of the war room— which she had to ask directions for because she never encountered this place when she was a professor. The door was left ajar, and Byleth waited outside, watching Edelgard and Hubert through the crack.

"— created a world of inequalities, and we must uniti—" Edelgard glanced at the paper in her left hand, "— _unite_ to create a society where we rise based on our own merit, our own skills, and our own hard work. We must unite to create a world free of these crests that have shacked the undeserving to titles and to power they cannot…" another glance, "they are unfit to wield."

Hubert sighed and reached out to take the paper Edelgard was holding. "Perhaps this needs more… revision," he said flatly, his voice sending shivers down Byleth's spine.

Edelgard groaned, her hands on her hips as she gazed at the map of Fódlan pinned on the board. "I need to memorize that by tomorrow." She rubbed her temples, a headache likely blooming beneath her fingertips. "We shouldn't have scheduled this trip so soon."

Hubert simply shrugged and cast the script aside. "The entire territory is in our hands, Lady Edelgard. I do not entirely see the point of this visit," he turned his head and stared straight at the doors, "but I'm sure our professor has something to say about it," he said coldly.

He was observant, much more than Byleth expected. Edelgard seemed to be completely unaware of Byleth's presence until she walked through the doors. "My teacher," Edelgard said, fondness in her voice despite how cold she sounded while practicing her speech barely a minute earlier.

 _I'm sorry,_ Byleth wanted to say. _I'm not the teacher you've been hoping for._

Byleth cleared her throat as she scanned the maps and various plans they laid out for the Black Eagle Strike Force, as they seemed to be called. "You need to speak to all of the people, not just the lords." She walked closer and leaned on a pillar behind Edelgard. "Aren't you changing Fódlan for them?"

Edelgard seemed much older, even if it had only been five years since Byleth last saw her. Perhaps it was the weight of the world on her shoulders. Perhaps it was the change in what was hidden behind her eyes— from an immeasurable depth of secrets to a wall of cold steel that guided her head and wrapped around her heart. 

But whenever she saw Byleth or heard her speaking, all Byleth could see was respect and fondness and _gratitude_. Where was that gratitude coming from? How did Byleth have such an inexplicable effect on Edelgard that caused this reaction from her every single time their eyes met?

"Our professor's right, Hubert. The people need to know we're fighting _for_ them." Edelgard took a seat at the head of the table and sighed. "Could you give us some privacy, Hubert? I'd like to discuss something with our professor."

Hubert took the script and a few folders of paperwork. "I will have the revised script in your room before dinner," he said before bowing and walking away, eyes still trained on Byleth up to the very last second.

As soon as he left the room, Byleth felt the suffocating pressure release its grip on her lungs. Hubert was perceptive, _too_ perceptive. Byleth now knew that she had to keep her distance from him if she wanted to keep this act up.

Edelgard, despite her obvious cunning, was a different discussion. "How are you, my teacher? It's only been a few days since we reunited. I'm sure you're still recovering," her tone changed as she placed her hands on the table and leaned forward, "and I'm also sure that you have a lot of questions."

Byleth was in a precarious position. Edelgard was openly allowing her to ask anything, but what was she expected to know? "Huh. I don't remember if we've ever had a chance to chat just like this," she played coolly.

Fortunately, it seemed as if she were right. "Ah well, Hubert is always by my side. I'm very grateful for him and his counsel, but I did want to have some time alone with you, just for a bit." Fondness. So much of it. _Too_ much of it.

Byleth could have asked so many things, but she knew that she was sent here—to this reality—for a reason. There had to be a reason; she had to have a _purpose,_ a _mission._

"What do you plan on doing about Dimitri?"

Edelgard didn't seem to expect that. Perhaps she thought Byleth wanted to ask about the little things, about their lives and their battles and their friends and foes. _No,_ Byleth wasn't here for that. As much as she wanted to be the quiet, caring professor that Edelgard longed for through all these years, she was also her own person who had her own agenda.

"Rhea is in Fhirdiad with him, so I expect that we will cross paths soon. For now, I'm focusing on conquering the Alliance and putting the pressure on the Kingdom from all sides." Edelgard turned to face the map on the board behind them, eyes trained on the Blaiddyd symbol on the northern part of Faerghus.

Edelgard glanced at Byleth and realized that she was waiting for more. "He's… shrewder now. He seems to listen to his advisors well enough, which is how they've managed to hold us off for this long." When she turned to face Byleth again, she greeted with a smile. "But now we have you. They won't last much longer."

Byleth wanted to return that smile. She wanted to assure Edelgard that she would give her the victory she so desperately fought for through all these years. She wanted to be the trump card that Edelgard sorely needed to end this war once and for all.

"I hope I can meet that expectation," Byleth said. It was the hesitance that caught Edelgard by surprise. This wasn't the unflappable, unfeeling, unflinching professor she looked up to years ago. Byleth was sorry she couldn't fit that mold, but Edelgard needed to realize that she was human too.

"I trust you, my teacher," said Edelgard. "Thank you for walking this path with me."

She was _so_ earnest. It made Byleth yearn for a peaceful world, for the free and equal society she was envisioning. Despite the way she was painted in the history books where Claude emerged victorious, the Edelgard that Byleth met today was not a single-minded tyrant. She was an idealist with a willpower of pure steel, relentless and unflinching.

But when she was with Byleth, Edelgard just seemed so powerful when she was fueled with hope. Her desire for change was almost terrifying, and her methods made it seem like such.

Maybe, just maybe, if Byleth could stay and be here to guide her, she could preserve some of that hope, a little bit of that youth, and keep Edelgard from becoming the monster in those history books. Perhaps there was more to her, more to this war than the fury and the will of a relentless conqueror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, happy felileth week!!
> 
> i'll be taking a break for a week or so to catch up on all the content because there's so much i'm so happy
> 
> [twitter (@amenochieien)](https://twitter.com/amenochieien)   
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>  [curiouscat (/amenochieien)](https://curiouscat.me/amenochieien)


	5. Garland Moon 1180, ii

Byleth woke up to the sound of someone knocking on her door. The clock said it was half past eight in the morning. Her body still felt too heavy to move. She felt like she was burning up, but she couldn't even move to check her own temperature.

"Sothis," she whispered, not knowing if the odd little person in her mind would bother to give her any answers. Was she even here? Byleth hadn't noticed it, but the silence in her mind in the past two days left her feeling empty and alone.

'Ah, so you decide to speak to me again?'

Sothis was floating by her bedside, as lax as ever. The sight of her, as blurred as it was from the heaviness of Byleth's eyes, was more comforting than Byleth would have expected. "Do you really not know?" Every single word struggled to climb its past the lump in her throat. "Can you really not help me?"

The confusion in Sothis's eyes terrified Byleth. This strange being who bugged her and guided her and accompanied her… was suddenly just as helpless as Byleth, just as confused.

Sothis reached out and stroked Byleth's hair, until Byleth closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax under Sothis's gentle movements. 'I do not think I can be a part of your entire journey. Perhaps… there is a story that you must tell by yourself.'

Byleth never truly experienced loneliness. Growing up, at least she had her father, even if he wasn't the most affectionate or emotional parent out there. Now, she was surrounded by people, by her students, by her peers and fellow faculty members.

But every time she traversed realities and woke up in these odd futures, the crushing weight of loneliness made itself known with each of her shaky breaths. There was no one else here to help her, to guide her. She walked those halls and acted those roles without understanding her purpose there.

What was the point of all this? What karmic cycle was she supposed to break? What was she supposed to change? What was she meant to learn?

Byleth still didn't know where she really was right now. Her body felt too heavy to move; she couldn't go outside to check if she was in the red-stained fever dream of the Empire's conquest or the peaceful yet eerie atmosphere of the Monastery under the Church's watchful eye.

At this point, all she could do was close her eyes and wish she woke up in Felix's arms once more.

———

Someone was knocking on her door.

Byleth groaned as she stood up, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and trudged her way to the door. Opening it just by a crack flooded light straight into Byleth's tired eyes, and she groaned as she hid behind it.

"Professor," a gentle voice said, warm but slightly hesitant.

"Mercedes," Byleth answered gruffly, "do we have class today?"

She giggled and shook her head. "Oh, no, it's the weekend, professor. You didn't answer any of the wakeup calls all morning. It's already noon."

Byleth groaned. _What a mess._ "I'm sorry. Did anyone need me for something?"

"I think Seteth mentioned a faculty meeting. Then again, Professor Manuela was equally… incapacitated this morning." She chuckled once again and raised her arms a bit, bringing Byleth's attention to the tray in her hands. "We know she's hungover, but we were a little worried about you, professor. You haven't seemed like yourself for a few days."

Byleth swallowed her saliva, barely coating her parched throat. "Ah, well, now I'm definitely sick."

"Could you let me in, professor? I brought tea and breakfast." Byleth couldn't argue with Mercedes— more accurately, she didn't have the strength to avoid help right now. Mercedes pulled up a chair and Byleth's end table and poured them some tea, which Byleth took gratefully.

"Thank you, Mercedes." Byleth inhaled the warm steam of her favorite cup of tea, something that didn't seem like Mercedes's usual blend. "This is… pine needles. Almyran pine needles. How did you know I liked this?"

"Ah—" Mercedes eyes widened as she took a sip and made a face at its more bitter flavor compared to her usual fruitier choices. "It was, um, someone's recommendation. Someone in class."

Byleth took another sip. There was really only one person Byleth shared this with, the only person who would like this. Byleth finally found the energy to smile. _Of course he would._

"Still, I'm grateful." Byleth poked at the bowl of porridge and the boiled egg beside it. She'd like a heartier breakfast, but it was the thought that counted. Besides, with the way her stomach was churning even as she simply lifted her spoon to her mouth, she realized she probably couldn't handle it in this state.

"Looks like a stomach flu." Mercedes quietly observed Byleth's pained movements. "Would you like me to use faith magic on you, just to ease the pain?"

Byleth thought about it for a second; Mercedes _was_ doing excellently in her faith lessons… "Ah," Byleth shook her head and took a sip of her tea, "save your energy for battle." She glanced at the calendar on her wall. "We should be going out tomorrow to deal with those bandits along the main road."

Mercedes's brows furrowed. "Professor, you should be resting."

"I appreciate your concern, really." Byleth leaned back on her pillows and thought about what Mercedes said earlier. Apparently, she wasn't like herself for the past two days. In those past two days, Byleth realized that she was living those lives elsewhere, while her body here continued to operate somehow.

She hated the thought of it. It felt like she was powerless, like she was merely swimming with the tide, waiting to wake up and see which life she had to live and what consequences she had to deal with due to her absence.

"I… will try to get better as soon as I can. I wouldn't want you all to miss your training just because of me."

Mercedes made a face again, something in between exasperation and fondness. It reminded Byleth that Mercedes was actually older than her. It also reminded Byleth that she still didn't understand why she was made into a professor here, and she still had so much work on if she wanted to be worthy of these students and their futures.

 _"Thank you, Mercedes,"_ Byleth repeated. She tried to smile, just to reassure Mercedes that she was fine, but it likely came out as a hesitant grimace based on the way Mercedes shook her head in response. "You should go. I can take the tray back to the dining hall _and_ go to the infirmary to ask for medicine." She placed a hand on Mercedes's forearm and squeezed lightly. "I can do this on my own."

Mercedes sighed and stood up to leave. "Alright, I trust you, professor." Her warm smile made all the tension in Byleth's shoulders dissipate. "Please take care of yourself. We'll see you," she leaned forward with her hands on her hips, _"in class."_

Byleth giggled and waved her away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mercedes." In turn, Mercedes took her frustration with her as she stomped out of Byleth's room, not without leaving Byleth with another one of her warm smiles and a little wave before she closed the door.

Byleth finished her meal in silence. Sothis lingered around her, strangely silent as she watched the birds outside her window. Byleth wanted to say something, to bring their earlier conversation up, but she didn't know where to begin.

'You do realize I can always hear you?' Sothis floated towards her and occupied Mercedes's spot from earlier, lips mimicking the warm smile that disarmed Byleth earlier. 'I have been thinking about your words from earlier as well. Is there… anything more you can share about this situation of yours I seem to be clueless about?'

Byleth hesitated. "I'm afraid, Sothis. It might just be a dream." _No,_ Byleth thought to herself. She knew everything she did, everything she felt and experienced, they were all too real to be a simple dream.

Sothis leaned back and allowed her hair to drape over the back of her chair. She sighed. 'A dream that is causing you this much distress must be a nightmare.'

Byleth thought about that. She thought about the bright red in every corner she turned or the expectations that were thrust upon her to end a war she never wanted a part in. She also thought about the gentleness of Felix's touch and the warmth of his kiss.

"Sometimes a nightmare, sometimes a dream." Byleth stared out the window. "I still can't make up my mind."

———

Byleth didn't want to admit it, but Mercedes was right. She didn't know if she would be ready for battle by tomorrow; maybe she could just guide them from the sidelines? No, she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened and she wasn't there to do anything about it. Sothis could lend a hand, but she could only go so far back until even her otherworldly powers were exhausted.

She decided to take a walk, just far enough from her room to stretch her legs. Typical Byleth, she easily got carried away. She found herself on the far side of Garreg Mach, her legs too weak and headache too unbearable for her to take another step on her own.

Before her legs gave way beneath her, Byleth was caught by a pair of strong arms from behind that helped her regain her balance. "Professor," Dimitri's deep voice caught Byleth by surprise, "what are you doing out of your room in this state?"

The sound of his voice, the very _real_ sensation of him beside her took her mind out of the odd limbo that it was stuck in for most of the day. Of course, she had to accept that those lives she lived in for the past two days were real. Despite that, despite the shock and helplessness she felt in those realities, _this_ world was real too. This life was real. These people, her students, their hopes and dreams and lives were all just as important as they were before she discovered these other realities.

"Sorry," she mumbled. It was starting to become her favorite word. "I know I should be resting."

Dimitri shook his head, and he stepped back to give her some space while still offering an arm for her to hold on to. "I understand the need to keep moving. At times, all you need to know is that you can still take one step forward." It was a poignant statement, something that evoked a sadness in Dimitri's eyes that Byleth couldn't possibly understand yet.

Embarrassed at his sudden seriousness, Dimitri broke the silence with a soft chuckle. "I'm sorry, professor. I… don't know where that came from."

She placed a hand on his arm and urged him to walk with her. The first step was difficult, but it helped to have someone beside her. "It makes sense. I'll keep that in mind," she said softly.

He cleared his throat. "But really, professor. Perhaps tomorrow would be too soon for you to return to combat." Before Byleth could respond, he quickly added, "We're all doing well in class and in training. And the knights can still take care of those bandits for a week longer until we can provide reinforcement. Please, professor." He gave her a gentle smile. "We all want to see you at your best."

His concern made Byleth blush. Actually, _everyone's_ concern for her was almost embarrassing to receive. "I'm your teacher," she grumbled. " _I'm_ supposed to be the one taking care of you all."

"You know, with the way Leonie and the knights talked about your reputation, I would never have expected such concern from you." Dimitri gave her another quiet chuckle and shook his head. "Let _us_ care for you this time, professor. As soon as you're well, we can go back to the way things used to be."

"Huh." Byleth took slow steps with Dimitri as his last words rang in her ears. Maybe she really did want things to go back to how they once were. Maybe she liked the simplicity of her life as a mercenary, the aimless travel and violence and day-night cycles that never ended. Perhaps she would have wanted to be a mere professor— though the addition of Sothis's presence in her psyche was still up in the air.

Sometimes, Byleth cursed herself for being so socially inept, for never knowing what to say and when to say it. Right now, as her words failed to describe the helplessness and confusion she felt at the thought that Dimitri _died_ in some odd alternate world, she was grateful that she couldn't get any words out.

All she could do was place a hand on Dimitri's arm as he opened her bedroom door for her and nod, a well of emotion in her typically blank eyes. He was bewildered—as expected—but his blue eyes betrayed something indescribable as well.

———

She slept for twenty-six hours that night. So, in essence, Mercedes got exactly what she wanted.

Byleth woke up, a little hesitant to open her eyes and very, _very_ disoriented. When she held a lock of her hair and saw that it was the dark blue she sorely missed, Byleth released a deep sigh of relief. She was here again. Everything was fine.

Byleth opened her door and was pleased to find a tray of food and a note on her door reading: _'Glad you took the time to rest, professor. I made you some of my favorite scones and cast a spell on the teapot to keep it warm all day. I hope it works. See you tomorrow! —Annette'_

Byleth sighed, even though she couldn't stop the little smile on her face. Sweet girl. Also a _very_ sweet scone, she thought as she took a bite out of it mindlessly, but it was the thought that counted.

"So you're finally up," a voice said from beside her bedroom door. It was Felix, a few feet away, sitting on the floor as he gazed at her odd smile. "I should tell the others."

It was shock, mostly, and a crazy rush of adrenaline that made Byleth chase after Felix and grab his arm before he could walk away. He stared back at her with wide eyes. Once again, the moonlight wasn't enough to tell Byleth exactly what was going on with the redness in the tips of Felix's ears.

"Um, professor?" Felix tilted his head, motioning towards the hand on his wrist.

Byleth couldn't let go. "Uh, have dinner with me?" It was a demand that sounded too much like a question. The chuckle that escaped from Felix's lips was unfamiliar but comforting. He shook Byleth's hand away, picked up the tray and motioned towards her room.

Her students were getting a bit too comfortable at the thought of going inside her quarters. She was wary of that, but she was grateful for their trust. Felix was shy, shier than Byleth would have expected from him. The tension seeped out of the room as Felix tripped on air and nearly dropped all of Byleth's food on her bedroom floor.

Byleth laughed, more openly than she ever had in her life. Felix found himself smiling as well. He set her tray down and stood by the doorway, a few too many steps away from Byleth. She understood why. What she didn't understand was this feeling clawing out from inside her that told her she needed to _say something._

"Why did you ask me to stay?" He wasn't angry or accusatory or suspicious or anything, really. Knowing Felix, a question was merely a question. Nothing more or less.

Knowing that helped Byleth swallow the lump in her throat. _Nothing to be afraid of. It's just Felix._ "Arms weak." _… and_ that's all she could come up with. "Can't lift tray."

Felix scoffed. "You serious?"

Byleth waved her arms around weakly and stared at him. "Dead serious." She expected him to roll his eyes, to berate her for being weak or careless, but she never could have prepared herself for a smile that nearly reached his eyes.

"I have no idea why you're like this sometimes," he said, _fondly._ He leaned against the wall and nodded at her. "Go eat. Unless… you're too weak to lift a spoon?"

He was _joking_ now, huh _._ That was new. "Funny." Byleth took a scoop of her porridge and glared at Felix as she ate, and she grew more eager as she caught him hiding a smile behind his hand.

She finished the porridge in record time, and she was surprised to still have an appetite even after that. There were some fruits and bread at the edge of her tray. She was hoping for a little meat, but she would have to sneak into the dining hall later for that.

Byleth was surprised to see something wrapped in paper thrown at her bed. She unwrapped it and was even more surprised to smell strips of smoked meat, care of the dining hall. When she looked up at him, Felix merely crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked away.

"Did you just keep this in your pocket the entire time?" Byleth raised an eyebrow.

"I got it a few minutes before you woke up. It was supposed to be my snack." If he spoke any louder, Byleth swore she would have heard him whining.

Byleth bit a huge chunk off. "How long were you waiting out there?"

Felix shrugged. "About an hour or so." He hesitated for a moment. "We've been taking shifts all day."

Byleth stopped eating. Her students… did that for her? "Felix, that's—"

"Don't even mention it." He was looking at her this time. A part of Byleth didn't want to feel the weight of concern in that stare. "It was Mercedes's idea, obviously."

"And you agreed to it because…?"

"Because—" Felix stuttered and stumbled and coughed fruitlessly into his fist before he could get a word out. "Because… you told me to get along with them."

 _Oh._ Oh, that was _adorable._ It took everything in Byleth to stop herself from cooing at him and probably causing him to run away and never show his face in front of her ever again.

She settled for a quiet, "That's very nice of you, Felix," and promised to herself that she would never, _ever_ mention it again if she still wanted him to speak to her. As she continued eating, Byleth heard Sothis giggling in the background of her mind.

'I would never have expected such gentleness from this boy.' She giggled once more. 'Perhaps now I am starting to understand why you are so fascinated by him.'

_Sothis, shut up._

———

After a check-up from Manuela, Byleth found herself wandering the halls of Garreg Mach once again. This time, she could actually put one foot in front of the other without a hand on the wall.

She still felt a little guilty for taking the day off instead of working on the kids' training. Still, it felt nice to be taken care of for once. As a kid, she was always pretty healthy— _suspiciously healthy,_ as her father used to say.

Speaking of her father… "Hey there, kid." She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders, and Byleth looked up to see her father smiling at her. "Heard you weren't feeling well today. Sorry I couldn't check up on you."

"It's fine," Byleth said. She couldn't help the little smile that graced her face as Jeralt attempted to apologize once more.

That was what stopped Jeralt on his tracks. "You've… you've changed, Byleth."

For a moment, Byleth felt both fear and relief flood her senses. Did she change because of what she saw, what she learned, what she experienced? Could there be someone who could help her navigate the various mysteries that spun her round and round?

"I didn't think you'd get along so well with all these noble kids and even the rowdy types." _Oh,_ that made more sense. Jeralt placed his hand on her shoulder as he guided her to the classroom gardens. "You're so much more expressive now. I used to never know what you were thinking."

"So… what am I thinking now?" Byleth teased.

Jeralt shrugged, though his eyes were trained far away at something that moved too fast for Byleth to see. "That you missed two days of training and need to make up for it."

Byleth was stunned. "That's… pretty accurate."

"Alright, I know you just woke up, but I'm beat." Jeralt squeezed her shoulder as he turned away. "Don't stay up too late, okay? You have a class tomorrow."

Byleth crossed her arms and stared at him as he walked away, depriving Jeralt of the smile he was so amazed by. "Yeah, yeah, I heard you, dad." She waved him away and smiled as she turned around. She wasn't seeing him as often as she wanted to, but moments like these were nice. Quiet and familiar, just like how life used to be.

There were still some familiar sensations though, like the sound of troops roughhousing and laughing in the dining hall or the sound of steel being forged by a blacksmith. Whenever Byleth felt lost, she always went to the training hall to listen to the familiar rhythm of sparring— and, to be completely honest, to meet the person who was usually the source of it all.

"It's late," she called out, unsurprised to see Felix ignoring her. She sat on the stone block across Felix and observed. "Why are you still here?"

Felix parried invisible blows and swept the ground around his training dummy. "Sat around for about an hour. Need to make up for that."

Byleth bristled. "Sorry, I guess."

"It's fine," Felix mumbled. Soon after, he stopped and cast his sword aside.

Byleth stood up and brushed the dust off the backs of her thighs. "One round. Hand me the other sword there."

Felix shook his head. "I think I'll pass tonight."

"You? Pass up on a good sparring partner?" Byleth narrowed her eyes in suspicion, secretly pleased that he smiled a little as he waved her away. "Did I pass my fever to you or something?"

"I'm fine," Felix insisted. "It just wouldn't be a fair win if I beat you while you're down."

Byleth felt her jaw twitch. _Oh, when will this poor boy learn his lesson?_ "You want to test that?"

Felix bit his lip, likely tempted by the idea. It must have taken all of his self-control to shake his head and walk away. "Good night, professor," he said, leaving Byleth more confused than if she had woken up in another _other_ universe.

It was the confusion that made her laugh, made her slump against the column and slide down to sit. Somehow, there was always a story unfolding in front of her, even if she wasn't there to see it.

She wondered if she would ever see Felix grow into the man Byleth saw he could be. She wondered if everything in those other lives were truly impossible for her to experience in the here and now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i am back (but maybe not as regularly as before TT)
> 
> let's just pretend that byleth has some idea of how old she is at this point in the game lmao it will always be weird that mercie is older than everyone but it's ok i love her and will write her as much as i can from now on
> 
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